Saturday, July 11, 2009 school and all. updates.

i realised that hc never had much impact on me. or perhaps i should say that i don't have as much feelings for her as much as other institutions in mmy life. i didnt enjoy my time there as much as the times i spent in say nanyang, or even nus. in comparison to the impact hc seemed to have on many of her students.

maybe it was the expectations after nanyang that made hc seem less 'meaningful' in a way. or that the sense of achievement just wasnt there. nevertheless there were some good friends made. but ultimately, i have realised that girls are still more reliable at the end of the day.

being in the physics stream made me spend more time with the guys instead of the girls. but ultimately, you are still seen as different from them, in their eyes, in my opinion. to be in the class with lep girls is my luck and honour. and ultimately gave me some perspective into these frieends with an enthusiast for chinese, a language i enjoy but didn't like studying for.

but really, despite how i thought i was, i suppose they didn't really care and bother. after all, i dont' really start conversations.

now that i'm going into landscape, i've realised that i'm enjoying the lessons again, for now. and it's a pleasure to hang out with my studiomates. i suppose that's really why i look happier, despite all the late nights. the nonsensical talk and laughter i have always enjoyed is back. with you and all. but i suppose i don't really realise. i really like all the excursions. and our small size is really much more conducive, both in inter-personal relationships and academic effectiveness.
but still, there is always that angst when whatever i do is not recognised and appreciated. the stubborn-ness keeps wanting to fight.

i think i'm too used to the 'good life'.

ultimately, i need to work hard and do more. at the end of the day, i'm accountable to hdb, the institution i always had taken an interest to, but never expected to really get there, which is quite amazing. suddenly results have so much significance now that the papers are here.

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